Sex as a new mom

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Being Mother’s Month, I thought it would be appropriate to talk about the sexual aspects of motherhood – and if this is even possible!

Before kids, you got your sexy on without problems. Now as a new mom you are sleep deprived, your breasts are two massive milk jugs, your vagina feels as dry as the Sahara Desert and when you think about sex, nothing positive comes to mind.

Are you normal? YES! Your sexual function will change as you go through each chapter of your life. A famous sex therapist in Australia once said that the number one reason for low libido among women is having kids younger than four years old in the house. And I can’t agree more.

Sex is a fine balance between excitement and inhibition. Imagine a seesaw… on the one side we have sexual excitement and on the other sexual inhibition. If there is enough excitement it will block the inhibitions, but plenty of inhibiting factors will block excitement.

“Planned sex is better than no sex. Set out some time for each other, as being intimate is a very important part of a relationship.”

Let’s go through everything that can cause sexual problems being a mom.

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1. Hormonal changes

Your hormones go through major changes after pregnancy. Your oestrogen, as well as your testosterone, drops drastically, which can result in poor sexual arousal and low libido. A woman’s libido is a responsive desire, in response to arousal. So, if you are not getting turned on you will not have the desire to have sex. One way around this is to really take your time with foreplay; the more stimulation, the more aroused you will get.

2. Vaginal dryness

Without hormones, your body will have a hard time responding to sexual stimulation resulting in vaginal dryness and poor lubrication can cause severe discomfort during sex. This is a good time to stock up on buckets full of water-based lube.

3. Painful sex

If you have pain with penetration, don’t wait for it to get better. Talk to one of your doctors or a sexual health expert ASAP. It becomes a vicious cycle, as once sex is painful the muscles around the vagina will tense up making the pain worse. We have treated hundreds of patients with great success; you are not alone.

4. Sleep deprivation

You’ve just got the kids into bed, the dishes are done and you are exhausted! Your partner approaches you with that lustful look in his eyes. You feel flattered but SERIOUSLY! Can’t he understand just how tired you are! Yes, you will have a lot of sleepless nights as a mommy and sleep might sound better than having sex but planning is the key. Planned sex is better than no sex. Set out some time for each other, being intimate is a very important part of a relationship.

5. Children in the house

Having small kids just outside your bedroom can be a major passion killer. But again, planning is crucial. Get a babysitter to look after the kids for a few hours so that you and your partner can have some quality time. Or work in a quickie while they watch their favourite TV programme. Teach your children that mom and dad need time alone so that you can have some privacy, obviously the kids need to be a bit older to understand that.

Yes, your sex life will change as a mom, but it is just a phase. You can still be sexual if you remember the following keys:

  • Your sexual function will go through different chapters
  • Get lube
  • Take your time with foreplay
  • Plan sex and make time for each other

Also read:

Do you know your sexual rights?
Have a satisfying sex life, but keep it safe!