Posing for the perfect first Christmas photo

“Christmas!” I exclaimed. “Photoshoot!”

“Albuquerque! Schnitzel!” Himself called back. After a long pause, he asked, “Why are we yelling out random words?”

“No.”

“Nice try,” I answered. “Some of the other moms and I are going to take the babies to a Christmas photoshoot.”

“Are the 2 400 photos we have of our baby not enough?”

“Are we going to pay for these photos?” he asked.

“Until she becomes a professional model, that’s the way it usually works.”

“What if she won’t smile for the camera?”

“She’s very photogenic. She’ll look gorgeous.”

“But what if – ”

“It’s Slytherin Baby’s first Christmas – we need some proper photos.”

“And will we need photos of her first second Christmas and her first third Christmas?” Himself raised a sceptical eyebrow.

“You know you’re not going to win this argument, don’t you?”

“It’s not the winning that’s important.” He raised an ironic fist in the air. “Vive la résistance!”

“Very good,” I said and patted his shoulder as I passed him. “The photoshoot’s next Wednesday.”

“You don’t have any clothes,” I told Slytherin Baby as I stared into her cupboard.

“Gah,” agreed Slytherin Baby.

“Well, you have lots of clothes. You just don’t have any Christmas clothes.”

Slytherin Baby grabbed a chunk of my hair.

“I can’t justify buying you any more clothes.”

She yanked my hair and blew a raspberry.

“Okay. Okay. I’ll ask The Grandmother what she thinks. Maybe she can convince me to buy you a Christmas outfit.”

“Of course she needs a Christmas outfit!” said The Grandmother, thus ending my very half-hearted protests of “But she has clothes.”

The only problem left was finding the right outfit.

“Look at this! I love it! It’s perfect!” I exclaimed.

“No,” said The Grandmother.

“But look at it!” I held up the most awesome onesie I’d ever seen. “It’s perfect for Slytherin Baby. What do you think?” I asked, showing it to her. Slytherin Baby stared fascinated at the overhead lights, completely ignoring the clothes I was shaking under her nose.

“It’s got unicorns on it,” I wheedled.

“Halloween unicorns,” The Grandmother reasoned as we both looked at the pink onesie with unicorns flying on black wings. Pouting, I replaced it.

“Oh! Look at this one!” I cried.

“Cute. But no.”

“But it’s got a kitten on it!”

“It’s Slytherin Baby’s first Christmas – we need some proper photos.”

“A kitten with bat wings and fangs.”

“I know! Look at it! It’s adorable.”

“We’re here to get a Christmas outfit.”

“Oh, all right. But only because I’m setting a good example for my child about listening to your mom,” I grumbled as I put it back. Slytherin Baby dragged her eyes away from the lights to shoot me a disbelieving and somewhat disgusted look.

“I don’t care what anyone says; I’m buying the Batman bib,” I said defiantly. The Grandmother rolled her eyes and Slytherin Baby returned to contemplating the lights.

Three weeks later Himself and I sat in front of the computer looking at the photos from the photoshoot that had just been mailed to us.

“Well, the red dress is pretty,” I sighed.

“Didn’t you buy her a Christmas hat?”

“Yes. She’s wearing it in the first photograph,” I said pointing. “But after that she pulled it off and wouldn’t let me put it back on.”

We resumed our inspection of the photos.

“She’s normally so pretty and photogenic and she’s got such a lovely smile!” I exclaimed in frustration.

“Well, these capture her personality,” Himself said optimistically.

“The personality that refuses to do what we want her to do? Like not scream when her photo’s being taken? The photo I’m paying good money for.”

“That’s the one.” He stared at the photos again. “She’s kind of smiling in that one,” Himself pointed out.

“The one where she’s pulled her dress up to her ears and is showing off her pretty nappy?”

“Yip.”

“Think we should put it on the Christmas cards this year?”

Himself was silent for a long time. “You know,” he finally replied, “I don’t think people really want to see other people’s children on their Christmas cards. Perhaps we should just do traditional cards this year.”

“Shall we use the nativity scene again?”

“Good idea.” And then he muttered under his breath, “At least that has a smiling baby.”

amy-lalouette-mommys-off-her-medsAmy Lalouette lives with Himself (her very patient husband) and Slytherin Baby. By day she’s an English teacher and by night she reads, writes, holds murder mystery parties and does belly dancing. Unfortunately, all this interferes with her lifelong ambition to have a spotless house and an empty laundry basket! She records her experiences (and confusion) of pregnancy and being a first-time parent on her personal blog “Mommy’s Off her Meds”.