“Not tonight, I have a headache” – ways to get over no libido

“Not tonight baby, I have a headache”. “Not tonight, I am tired”. “Not tonight…not tonight”.

Low libido is a very common sexual concern and something I deal with in my practice every day. Both men and women can be affected by a lack of sexual desire. Before we can manage the problem, we need to understand the reasons behind it.

Once you know the reason behind your low libido, it’s not just a quick fix.

Some tools you can use to get over low or no libido

1. Communication

Communication is the foundation of a good relationship and having a good relationship will, of course, help your sex life. Talk to your partner about what your expectations are with regards to your sex life. If you are happy with sex twice a month and your partner wants sex more often, you can meet each other halfway. It is also important to talk about what you need. Your partner won’t know which buttons to press if you don’t communicate.

2. Spend more time together

This may sound very straightforward but quality time with your partner might be the only thing you need to relight the candle. You need to spend time with your partner outside the bedroom to get things better inside the bedroom. Set time out for regular date nights and just enjoy each other’s company.

3. Foreplay, foreplay and more foreplay

For most women, their libido is a responsive sexual desire. This means that once there is stimulation and you become aroused you will respond to that with a desire to have sex. In many cases, people can enhance their sexual experiences by spending more time on touching, kissing and using sex toys. Having better sexual experiences will increase your desire for sex.

4. Manage stress

Let’s face it, we all have stress. Unfortunately, stress can negatively impact your libido. Studies have shown that depression and anxiety in guys reduce libido and increase sexual dysfunction. There are several things you can do to manage anxiety, including:

  • Getting enough sleep
  • Regular exercise
  • Get a hobby
  • See a counsellor

5. Get your hormones checked

Low testosterone is something that can affect both men and women. Testosterone is a hormone that is crucial for normal sexual function. Without it, you might experience low libido, poor arousal and difficulty reaching an orgasm.

As I mentioned before, there is no quick fix to increase libido. If you feel that your libido is not where it should be you can try the things we just discussed. But if you still struggle, you might need to see a sexologist or a sexual health doctor. Get the help you need, as having a healthy sex life is your right.

I’m passionate about all aspects of sexual health and offer a wide range of sexual health-related services. HIV management, STI management, contraception, painful sex, erectile dysfunction and premature ejaculation are some of my special interests.