Today I wished I could transport back to the 1920’s and just be the housewife feminists fought so hard for us not to be. You see, I’m a working mom. But, who are we kidding? Whether you have a career and kids, or you are a stay-at-home mom – there is no such thing as a mom that does not work.
So please, fellow moms who are with their kids full time; stop telling me that you ‘’don’t know how I do it, juggling a career, a marriage and three small boys (aged 4 years, 2 years and 4 months respectively). Honestly, I don’t always know how to be with my own kids 24/7, so hats off to you.”
Truth is, I don’t juggle it all that well. Working for myself (aka “no work, no pay’’) meant my baby was only two months old when I simply had to get back to the business of helping our family survive financially. And to be truthful, I drop a whole lot of freaking balls doing it all… the… time. Like today, when I got the times for meeting with a client mixed up and didn’t pitch.
“There is no such thing as a supermom. I can promise you that every single one is working through some of their own struggles.”
I also literally cried over wasted (not spilled) milk this afternoon, as I had to watch how my sweet baby boy cried from frustration when the nanny tried to give him a bottle of expressed milk (so that I could get work done). He just won’t have it. And I don’t really want him to take it, because why should he have to when I am at home with him?
I like (notice how I didn’t say love) my job, but I don’t always like what type of mom and person in general it makes me:
- The mom who feels like she is rushing her kids all the time (to get ready for school, to take a bath or go to bed).
- The wife who no longer sends her husband loving notes and hints – just reminders, calendar entries and to-do lists.
- The mom who sometimes (okay, often) feeds her kids (and her husband) sandwiches for dinner.
- The mom who flips on the TV to keep the kids busy, while getting stuff done, instead of reading more storybooks, letting them do crafts (or draw on their baby brother).
- The impatient mom, who takes the frustration of not being able to tick items off on her to-do list anymore out on her toddlers.
- The friend who walks into her friend’s house empty-handed for a coffee date because you forgot it was actually her birthday.
And so, we get saddled into our horses named Guilt Trip and Failure for the long haul down Woe-Is-Me lane…
Much ado about nothing
But then we go to bed for some broken sleep and get our frazzled bodies out of bed at the crack of dawn once again, with little voices whining for their cereal and tea in the background while our coffees get cold on the counter – or have yet to be made. And we do it all over again the next day. Because we are driven by this immeasurable, insane love and desire to get it right today, or just for this minute. And the promises that the days and nights are long, but the years are short – that one day in the not-too-distant future we will sleep again!
There is no such thing as a supermom. I can promise you that every single one – even the ones who may seem Pinterest-perfect – is working through some of their own struggles and actually feel like they have had an entire 24 hours of running around, dressing tiny terrorists, wiping snotty noses, forgetting client meetings and drinking cold coffee or no coffee squeezed into their day by 9am.
So, if you know a mom of small children, know that any of the following gestures would be received like manna from heaven:
- A super tight hug seemingly out of nowhere.
- A knowing smile in the queue at the grocery store.
- An offer early in the morning to bring over a meal.
- An offer to take the kids for two hours on a Saturday morning, so that she can go get some hot coffee with her other half
- Some (more) patience when we are always running late (we really do try to be on time).
- A compliment on how great we look despite the spit-up on our clothes and the bags under our eyes.
Because the only thing that is super about us is how super tired we are and how super incapable we feel sometimes.
About the author
Wife to one big, and mom to three little boys – Annelie’s juggling act also includes working as a freelance e-Marketing consultant, remembering where the last place was she left her phone and learning to cope with a family of six (including a delinquent Jack Russel) in their cosy home built for three.