handwritten note reading I love sex

“Am I normal?”

“That’s a question I hear almost daily and it breaks my heart, because it highlights just how badly we’ve been educated about sex and our own sexuality”, says sexologist and sex coach Nicole du Toit from Permission Coaching.

From sexual function and anatomy, to preferences and kinks, we all just want to feel normal. Having worked with clients who range from completely vanilla to extremely kinky (and everything in between!), as well as every body type and various presentations of genitalia, I can confidently say that every single person I have worked with is normal. 

Is there sexual dysfunction? Of course there is dysfunction out there, but dysfunction is a normal body’s way of letting you know something is happening. So while every person I work with is normal, there have been occasions where their sexual experience is not normal.

How do you know if your experience is normal? Sex should never hurt, at all. If you experience painful sexual intercourse, as I did for a long time, assuming it was normal, please seek out assistance. Your body is talking to you, and it does not have to be that way. Of course there are a myriad of other things that may be going on, and things change as we age and live life. If you have questions, ask someone (please not the Internet!) and put your mind at ease. 

And, yes, there is one OTHER question clients ask…

‘So do you… um.. watch your clients… you know… do stuff?’ 

Whether I watch clients engaging in sexy time is a question that I get asked a LOT, and the answer is: no, I don’t. Think of me as you would a dietician – they help you reach your goals with a tailored approach, without ever actually having to watch you eat.

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What happens when you have a session with a Sex Coach?

A coaching session can take place anywhere that’s comfortable for both coach and client, and is often a virtual conversation via Skype etc. There’s no need to lie back in a chair and tell all of your insecurities to your coach. It’s simply a person trained in sexology (the study of human sexual behaviour), helping you find the best way to achieve your goal.

What does a Sex Coach help you with?

Every person or couple has different goals for their sex lives. They can range from wanting help with painful sex, wanting to orgasm more, to figuring out how to be more comfortable in your body during sex, or telling your partner about a kink you have. Some people have very specific issues and others are more generalised.

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Many people may come to a coach not knowing what they want other than to enjoy sex, because for them it just doesn’t seem to be all it’s made out to be – in which case the coach will help identify issues and goals to aim for. Couples can also simply want input on how to make sure things don’t hit a rut, or how to create a more sacred erotic moment together.

My goal is to help clients be as comfortable, satisfied and confident as they can be in themselves and their sex lives.

nicole du toit sex and intimacy coachNicole du Toit is a Sexologist and Intimacy (sex) Coach in private practice. She specialises in sexual shame, feminine empowerment and digital education. You can contact Nicole by visiting her website here.

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