The seven rules of Mother’s Day for dads

The second Sunday of every May is sacred. It is the time of year that we exclusively dedicate to all the mothers in our lives: moms, grandmothers, aunties and the like. If you’re stuck for ideas this year, we have seven to get you started.

 

 

1. If you love someone, let them sleep

Let mom sleep for as long as she wants. Don’t wake her up at 7am with burnt toast. Let your footfalls pass her bedroom door without a sound. Don’t allow your children to run in wailing, because the other kid “is looking at me all the time”. No dilemmas or arguments must pass her threshold, no matter how urgent. If your offspring are fighting over who gets to ride the imaginary dolphin next, improvise!

“If you raise the bar on Mother’s Day, you’re pretty much guaranteed the best day of your life when it’s your turn.”

2. Breakfast

It’s charming when you allow your children to make breakfast for their mother on Mother’s Day, is it not? And spill it all over the bedding? No. Not always … If you’re a king in the kitchen, cook her something edible and let the kids garnish the food and lay the table. If your cooking skills leave something to be desired, buy an apple Danish, yogurt, fruit and cold meats, whatever she actually enjoys eating. Occupy the children as she sits down at the table, so that she can sip her coffee and pick at her meal in peace. Don’t let them stand and stare at her while she eats or allow a situation where she has to show them her hands when she’s done, like some kind of blackjack dealer.

3. Going out

If you’re taking her out for lunch or a show, get the children ready two hours in advance and install them somewhere inside (the couch or a bedroom will do). Find their shoes! ALL the shoes! Allow the love of your life to shower or bath at leisure. Let her steam up the bathroom and spend hours applying as many creams and cosmetics as she wishes. When she emerges, relaxed and smelling like a flower garden, tell her she looks radiant! (No matter how blotchy the bathroom heat has made her)

4. The venue

Select a venue or event that’ll entertain the kids. Take photos, order lovely things off the menu – make it a real celebration! Remind her that she’s a great mom and that she’s doing a great job. Let her chat at length about anything that’s bothering her. When the bill comes, pay for it from your own pocket.

5. The gifts

Whether you give them first thing in the morning or late in the day, never forget the value of chocolates! You can never go wrong with a box of those wonderful, oft verboten (often forbidden) delights. Top tip: Have an extra chocolate at the ready for when the kids inevitably ask to share her gifts. Let her savour, save or devour them like an animal and make no comment on this.

6. The wine and the time

As the day draws to a close, bring her a glass of her favourite beverage and let her read a magazine or watch her favourite show. Tidy the house and bath the kids. Top tip: Just this once, you can probably get away with filling the bath with shower gel. It makes bubbles and they basically clean themselves by flailing about in the tub.

7. Don’t forget the woman who birthed you!

If you are unable to see her or she lives far away, for goodness sake, phone your own mom too! Have a chat with your dad or a sibling and arrange for some chocolates for her too. Tell her you love her, tell her she’s wonderful and let her talk to the kids. Top tip: If you’re worried you’ll forget, do it first thing in the morning.

These rules may seem insane to some. They may come across as the fevered dreams of a mad woman. But verily, I say unto you, if you adhere to these seven rules, even in part, you will have ACED Mother’s Day.

Last top tip: If you raise the bar on Mother’s Day, you’re pretty much guaranteed the best day of your life when it’s your turn.

If you’re keen to know how Mother’s Day as we know it came to be, read here.