I have a SECRET – it’s between Me and ED (Eating Disorder)

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readers story

Written by: Anonymous

So in light of it being nutrition week & awareness around the necessity for healthy diet, I thought there could be no better time to share my story…

Healthy body equals healthy mind. Similarly, healthy mind equals healthy body & you’ll soon understand this apt reversal of words.

My story is a little different from the regular ‘nutritional advice’ & guidance but one that I feel from the depths of my soul needs to be shared.

It is not an article by a dietitian or nutritional expert but the advice it contains is from the very source of an experience so deep I could write encyclopedias…

anorexiaI lived with ED for 17 years. ED controlled my life, my relationship with food, my thoughts around food & most often didn’t allow me the nourishment I needed to live a healthy, sustainable life. The relationship was so toxic it nearly killed me. It stole 17 years of my life, kept me trapped as a prisoner in punishment, pain, self-loathing & shame & the results were as you can imagine, devastating.

ED was my best friend, ED, my Eating Disorder, almost succeeded in destroying my life. At first it was just an occasional thing to vomit when I had eaten too much. It was nothing serious, I was in control. 17 years later it controlled me. My every thought consumed (excuse the pun) by food, counting calories, obsessing over what I had eaten, purging till my throat was raw as punishment for ‘giving in’ to food & emotional abuse so severe I wouldn’t wish it upon my worst enemy. I wasn’t just in hell, I was having tea with Satan himself.

The self-inflicted pain is inexplicable & will without a doubt leave me scarred for life. The self-loathing so brutal you don’t believe you are worthy of food & the use of food as a weapon to punish. Food, that which is supposed to be the sustenance of life…

bulimia

Worse is the aftermath, the consequence that always follow…

acid decay teethAt 42 I nearly lost my teeth from acid decay & this process has been equal hell & as painful…

Medical Aid not covering dental & not having the means to pay the estimated 280k for reconstruction of the mouth, I had to find another way…
I was on a waiting list for 2 years at a dental school & by the grace of G-d was presented the chance to do the reconstruction at the cost of only lab fees for the 15 porcelain crowns & 2 implants I needed to save my mouth.

tooth reconstructionMiracle of miracles I’m about to have the final procedure done but again I have no words to describe the agonising process of 15 root treatments, 3 extractions, 4 hour gum surgery to reveal more bone to attach crowns which left me stitched up like a tapestry…. No words.
Now the massive strain of raising 60k for lab costs which has left me in huge debt & countless sleepless nights…

If only I had known, If only I had a glimpse of the trail of heartbreak, pain, isolation, chaos, inability to have relationships & financial depletion it would leave….

I’m reaching out to every single mom, dad, young girl or woman, if you or anyone you know is suffering in silence, quietly living a slow death, PLEASE, PLEASE get them the help they need to recover. If you see any warning signs, notice any unhealthy behaviours or relationships around food please don’t ignore it… Whether they use food to punish by starving, over-eating or purging, don’t ignore the signs.

We are incredible woman, BEAUTIFUL, POWERFUL & WORTHY of LOVE. Let’s support each other, let’s reach out to one another, let’s not judge each other….

Let us stand united to talk about our struggles, reach out when help is needed, give when we can & help where we can…

Let’s save lives, let’s save ourselves…

#ChinUpBeautifulYouGotThis

chin up beautiful

 

 

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