Real life story of loss and hope

Real Life story of inspiration on BabyYumYumHi Expecting Mums and Dads. My name is Michelle Sookool, aged 27, first time mum. This is my journey…

My husband and I were trying for 2 years to conceive and in the month of April 2015, I found out I was 2 weeks pregnant.  The news came with so much joy and excitement but sadly the pregnancy ended a a week later in a miscarriage. One night I woke up to excruciating pains and heavy bleeding. We were alarmed and rushed to the hospital where we were informed of the miscarriage and I went threw the D&C procedure. The news devastated us. I questioned God and wondered what did we do to deserve this loss? We prayed and continued to trust in God’s plan.  Despite the pain #StillIRise.

During the month of May 2015 we were blessed with amazing news that I was pregnant again. Wow! I didn’t expect to fall pregnant so soon – Glory to God. This pregnancy had me paranoid and I was extra cautious, so no exercise or excessive housework.  My husband would cook and pamper me daily. My first trimester went smoothly, I experienced no morning sickness or typical pregnancy symptoms – yippee! Each gyne visit my husband would attend and see our little miracle grow. So much joy filled our hearts.

My second trimester impressed my gyne and he gave us the green light. We immediately had a pregnancy announcement supper with all our family and friends. The news excited our families and they couldn’t wait for a new addition.

My husband looked at our scans and said we were having a son. I wasn’t so sure and insisted we were having a daughter.  He told me it’s a daddy’s intuition and he started painting our nursery baby blue and bought ships and helicopters to compliment the room. My 2nd trimester progressed well, no unusual cravings or morning sickness though I would feel rather sleepy and nap for 3 to 4 hours during the day.

My husband looked at our scans and said we were having a son.
He told me it’s a daddy’s intuition.

On the 17th of October 2015 my world started to crumble. After returning from college at 5pm, my husband and I enjoyed our dinner and watched movies. At 10pm that evening he had a terrible chest pain, threw up and started feeling hot. We rushed to the nearest hospital, where the doctor informed me he is showing signs of a heart attack! I couldn’t believe what I was hearing and didn’t understand the severity of his condition. At 02h30 I drove home to notify the family and to collect my husband’s blanket and navron. We arrived at the hospital and each one spoke to my husband and his sister said the sinners prayer with him. He hugged and kissed me.  The family and myself went home to rest and I called the hospital at 8am on the 18th October 2015 to check up on my husband and the nurse said he wants to see me. I rushed over to the hospital. I was so nervous and he explained that he had been prepared for surgery that could stop his heart. I nearly fainted. the doctor explained again the severity of his condition saying he has 3 blocked arteries by his heart.  My husband told me he’s not going to wake up and should anything happen to him I must enlarge his picture and burn 2 candles for him. I was silent. He played with my hand and had a heart attack right in front of my eyes.

I was pushed out of the room and called all the family members advising them to return to the hospital.  The doctors returned to inform us that the love of my life has sadly passed away. He had a massive heart attack and time of death was 11h30 on 18th October 2015.  We cried uncontrollably, my life flashed before my eyes. I went to hold his hand and touch his face before he was transported to the mortery.  His hands were still warm and his face was so peaceful as if he was in bed sleeping. At 6 months pregnant I had my world turned upside down, never would I have imagined my husband would pass before seeing his baby. Literally here today, gone tomorrow related to my situation. I wanted to die, I was so miserable, I thought I was having a terrible nightmare. I gathered the strength and understanding from my pastor and church and family support.  Michelle SookoolI went to our next gyne visit with my mom and sister-in-law and my gyne revealed we were having a Son. Tears filled our eyes as my late husband was correct.  I would have meltdowns and our baby would kick actively and I immediately stopped, realising my baby is telling me to be strong. Despite the pain #StillIRise

I would have meltdowns and our baby would kick actively and I immediately stopped, realising my baby is telling me to be strong.

I am now 27 weeks pregnant in my 3rd trimester. Our son is growing well and we got to see his face and his little hand gave us a wave. Wow, I couldn’t believe my eyes. In the grief I leaned on God for strength and he is with me. I pray daily to him and my husband, with God on my side I have nothing to fear. I’m in a much better place now living for my son. I visit my husband’s graveside every Sunday and each visit helps my healing process.  I miss my husband dearly and the pain runs so deep its indescribable.  I cry occasionally and my son reaches out to me with his small kicks. In honour of my late husband, I decided to name our son after his amazing dad, Andre Jerome Sookool.  I focus my attention on the birth of my Son due in March and have honoured my husband’s wish by having his picture enlarged.  I have him on our living room wall smiling at us, and I feel better each morning looking at his face. Yes, it’s heartbreaking and comforting at the same time.

To all expecting mothers and dads, I appeal to you to cherish each moment as we are not promised tomorrow.  No matter your situation, we serve a living God and he will strengthen you where you see no possible hope.  Pray for everything and worry about nothing. Despite the pain, the tears , the uncertainty,  the fear, the loneliness,  the misery #StillIRise.

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